old posts

Вusy Days
&
Яestless Niğhts.
I дesperately want
"a meďium"

(unhuman)

to ğet śome

΅ Taskęėn-e-RΩ0h ΅

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u Dön’t play gåmės

with a Ĝirl who

can [ PlaЎ Better! ] u

Un'Suni Awaz

“Mairi awaz sunayi de rahi hai?”

Taiz qadam, logon ki gehma’gehmi, traffic k shor, aur bazaar ke rush main us ki awaz khoti ja rahi thi.

“Main thak chuka hon cheekh cheekh ker. Dekho aaisa mat kerna! Yeh gunah-e-kabeera hai! Tum suntay kyon nahin mairi baat? Dekho, tum sun ker bhi un'suni ker rahe ho. Samajhte hi nahin ho k maira wajood kisi wajah se hai. Mujhe khuda ne khaas wajah se tumhara hissa banaya hai......Sun rahe ho ya nahin?”

Awaz sunayi de rahi thi. Baat bhi samajh aa rahi thi. Magar bharpoor koshish bhi ho rahi thi. Is se pehle k koi aur sune, is awaz ko under dabana hi munasib nazar aa raha tha.

“Huh....Tum kya suno gai mairi baat? Tum ko to shayad khuda se bhi dar nahin lagta ab. Din'BaDin mujhe ander hi ander kamzoor kerte aaye ho tum. Eik din mar jaoun ga. Mairi awaz suno. Ab bhi waqt hai. Main jo keh raha hon woh maan lo. Yehi mairi ghiza hai. Maira kaam sirf madad kerna hi to hai. Main dost hon, dushman nahin. Mujhe saza mat do. Main in zakhmon ki taab na la sakon ga. Ab aur berdasht nahin ker sakta. Mujhe bhi khuda ko jawab dena hai. Ai..aai....aaisa zulm mat karo.”

Qadmon ki raftaar, dil ki dharkanon ko taiz ker rahi thi. Us ki awaz madham perti ja rahi thi.

“Yeh na'insaafi hai. Kisi bay'gunah se us k jeenay ka haq cheen rahe ho tum. Aaisa mat karo. Khuda ke liye…Khuda k naam per aaisa gunah……mat ke…kerna. Dekho…..Nahin! Main aakhri dafa keh raha hon k na…”

Goliyon ki awaz se bhagdar mach chuki thi. Us doobti awaz ko hamesha k liye daba diya gaya tha.

Zameer ki maut se Nafs ko eik muskurahat, eik nayi khushi, eik nayi hayat mili…

Kya yehi khushi hai, yehi jeet hai, yehi zindagi hai???

Urnay ko Betaab

Maire pass Par hain, hosla bhi, aur chah bhi...to phir mujhe urne se hamesha roka kyon jata hai? Kya sab ko lagta hai k main aasman aur baadlon k beech kahin kho na jaoun ya phir unhain dar hai k main sab se agay nikal jaoun gi? Main bachpan se hi rebellious hon. Chahay woh dolls k saath khailnay k bajaye gali k larkon k saath khailna ho ya phir girly dresses k bajaye bhaiyon ki nayi shorts. Waqt k saath maira mizaaj pukhtagi pakarta gaya aur society k rules/regulations k saath mairi jang berhti hi gayi. Sonay per suhaga yeh k mairi kahi howi baton ko jab suna jane laga to main apne alfaaz ki zimaydari laite howe khud k liye, aksar akailay hi sahi, magar hara hona seekh liya. Mairi khushkismati kahiye ya alfaazon ki taqat k mujhe her woh cheez mili jis per main ne haath rakha. Shayad kuch larkiyan mairi hayat ko Ideal Life ki category main shumaar karain. Eik respected family, friends, education, paisa, aur pehchaanwer naam aur chehra. Mujhe kisi cheez ki kami nahin magar phir bhi yeh urnay ki betaabi mujhe ander hi ander khaye lai rahi hai. Mustaqbil main jo main chahti hon shayad mujhe na milay. Kyon? Kyon k main eik Pakistani Muslim Larki hon. Yeh khayal bhi zehen main na aane dejiye ga k main islam k khilaf koi kaam kerne ki soch rahi hon! Yon samajhiye k American College mairi manzil ki pehli seerhi thi. Kabhi one/one moqa mila, aap ko trustworhty paya, aur main mood main howi to tafseel se bataoungi. Ap bhi shayad un chund-eik logon ki terhan mujh per hansain aur kahain k "tum bhi nah.....khuwahishaat to naik hain magar tumhain pata hai k hamare han aaisa normally hota nahin hai. Aur ho bhi to koi Tumhain aaisa kerne nahin dayga" Maira sawal hai k aakhir kyon??? Kya eik LARKI hona maira qasoor hai ya Pakistani-Muslim Larki hona jis se sirf shadi, bache, aur dosron ki khidmat hi expect ki jaati hai. Kuch cheezain chah ker bhi nahi payi ja saktin aur kuch bin maagai hi mil jati hain. Ho sakta hai jab main urnay ki chah chor don to mujhe moqa mil jaye magar yeh par mujhe bhoolne hi nahin dayte k main chahon to abhi bhi ur sakti hon magar us k liye mujhe zameen chorni pare gi. Kuch pane k liye kuch khona pare ga......

"Yeh khaandan, society, yeh saare log tumhare liye eik pinjre ki terhan hain. Tum itna oouncha urna chahti ho k sab ki pohanch kya, nazron se bhi duur ho jao" -Someone who could see right through me!

Ah, yeh mairi aur aur aur ki talash.......filhaal I'm faqat, Urne ko Betaab!

Con-Fashions!

ιи тнє ¢ιту σf ѕαιитѕ & ѕιииєяѕ, єνєяувσ∂у ιѕ gυιℓту σf ѕσмєтнιиg...

When was the last time you confessed and everyone heard?

Join

Con-Fashions!

Its an open invitation, for those who speak URDU & want to have alot of fun, to join an Orkut Community where ppl can cry their hearts out by confessing whatever they want to, good or bad, with their names or anonymously. You are welcome to confess about anything - αиσиумσυѕℓу σя ωιтн υя иαмє - to millions of other souls. It actually feels kind of good to know that someone will read it. The goal is to provide a comfortable and light-hearted environment. Even if you don't want to confess, we have alotta other games that are simply Fun. Plus other services like a Chat Room, Calender, Voting Polls, and a Map.

It's totally Addicting!

NO ONE WILL JUDGE U HERE IN ANY MEANS !

вяєαк υя ѕнєℓℓ & ¢σиfєѕѕ, ι ∂αяє уσυ !!!

Dardshinaas

First Reader’s Comment: Outclass story (jaisi aksar indian movies main bhi hoti hay). But still very attractive n powerful.

KIA HAAL SUNAWA DIL DA...........KOI MHERAM RAAZ NI MIL DA

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Dedication This one is for a complicated friend of mine, who always shows my reflection and reminds me of myself! The more I get to know you, the more I hate myself.

Thankx for everything.

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Dardshinaas

Un khayali aankhon main khalipan ka basera tha. Main nay pehli dafa ose college k hallway main deekha tha. pur ronak hallways mein bhi wo aaise tan-o-tanha bhatakta tha jaise us k aailawa koi aur wahan mojood hi nah ho. Kabhi us ko kisi se baat kertay nahin deekha tha laikin us ki khamosh aankhon main bay’tahasha shour tha. Agar bay’zuban aakhon ko awaz mil jati to un ki cheekhein satwain aasman tak pohanch jatin. Us ka thikana college ki library thi. Kisi ko maloom nahin tha k wo gard main atti kitabon main kya talash kerta hai? College k larkay mazak main kehtay thay k kitabon ki terhan us ki dil-o-demagh per bhi gard ki tehein jam gaye hain laikin aaise fikron se dunya se us ki bay’niyazi aur berh jati thi. Nah larkiyon ki nazakat dekh ker os ki aankhon main chamak aati thi aur nah hi larkon ki shararton dekh ker honton per muskurahat. Us ki aankhon main deekho to lagta tha k bus ik parda giranay ki dair hai aur us ki hayat ka raaz fash ho sakta hai. Laikin wo ik parda hi to tha jisay wo girnay nahin dayna chahta tha. Shayad ose dukh tha kisi cheez ko kho danay ka. Ya shayad kho danay ka nahin, kisi cheez ko pa ker kho dayna ka dukh. aur dar bhi…k agar yeh gham kisi ko bataya to wo bhi chin jaye ga aur us k pass kuch nahin bache ka. Waisa hi dukh jaise main nay mehsoos kiya tha. Waisa hi dar jis se bhagnay k liyay main nay saat samander paar aa ker yeh university join ki thi. Laikin us k charon taraf phela san’nata mujhay apna dukh bholnay nahin de raha tha.

Os din bhi wo library main akaila betha tha. Dunya ki masnooe chakachond ko choor ker wo baynayaazi se kisi kitaab per nazrain jamaye betha tha. Mujhe chounkanay ki wajah us ki nazrain thin jo kitab ki satron per dournay k bajaye ik hi jagah ruki howi thin. Kitaab perhnay ka bahana tha ya dunya se tarq-e-taluq ki koshish, wo kafi had tak kamyaab ho raha tha. Ird’gird honay wali sargarmiyon ka ose na tu ilm tha aur nah hi perwah. Main samne wali table per bethay us ka muta’lah ker raha tha. ik baar us k haathon main larzish howi aur us nay qalam se kitab main kuch lakeerain kheenchein aur phir se ose safhay ko aaise ghoornay laga jaise apni qismat ko perh raha ho. “Hey dost! Maira naam Hassan hai. Abhi move howa hon yahan Pakistan se” Main us k barabar, apna haath berhaye khara tha. Us nay sar uthaya aur ik mayoos se muskurahat k saath mujhe dekha, jaise mahinon se us se ki kisi nay baat nah ki ho. “Maira naam Siraaj hai” haath milatay howay us nay jawab diya. Main us k samnay wali kursi kheench ker beth gaya. “Kya perh rahay ho?” Us nay apnay samnay rakhi khuli kitaab ko maire agay ker diya. “ ‘My Sins are Unpardonable!’ ” do dafa underline tha. Main nay sawaliya nazron se us ki taraf dekha laikin us ki nazron ko apnay ander utartay howay paya. Jaise wo khood ka tajzeeya ker raha ho k mujhe kuch batana chahiyay ya nahin? Khamoshi taweel ho rahi thi laikin main nay us k lafzon ko honton k qareeb atay mehsoos kiya. Ik dafa labon main jumbish howi aur nazrain mujh per se hut ker library ki serhiyon per ja tehrin.

“ ‘Bisaat-e-Dil bhi ajeeb shey hai’. Bachpan main iklota honay ki wajah se mujhe wo sab kuch mila jo main nay chaha. Zindagi ki daur mein mujhe sab se agar honay ka ghuroor, paise ki chamak, gariyan, dost, larkiyan, shuhrat, mujhay koi kami nahin thi. Main jee raha tha. Sirf apnay liyay. Yeh pori dunya mairi thi. Is baat ka ahsaas kabhi bhi nahin howa k main kisi k liyay pori dunya ho sakta tha. mujhay to yaad bhi nahin k hum kahan, kab, kaise, aur kyon milay the. Per ose her cheez yaad rehti thi. Wo maire liyay aur doston ki terhan hi thi; is se berh ker kuch nahin. Aur main us k liyay dost se kahin ziyada berh ker. Us ki baton se ahsaas hota tha mujhay laikin her baar taal jata tha. Maire kharabiyon ko jante howay koi kaise mujh se bay’zarur muhabbat ker sakta hai? Bus zehen main yehi khayal tha. ik terhan se hum dono ik jaise he the. Maire dil main anaa thi k ik larki se nahin haar sakta aur us ki anaa mujhay haranay per amaada thi. Mein apni zindagi main magan tha aur wo maire zindagi main. Waqt kaise guzra, pata hi nahin chala. Ik din mujhe pata chala k wo yahan se ja rahi hai. Kya halaat the, kya baat thi, mujhay kabhi pata hi nahin chal paya. Aakhri dafa us nay mujhe phone per kaha tha ‘main wapis ja rahi hon Siraaj….aab pata nahin milna ho ya nah ho…apna khayal rakhna aur hamesha khush rehna…I’m gonna Miss U’. Us k janay k doosre din mujhay mail se us ki diary mosool howi jis mein us nay pichle chaar saal main hamaray dermiyaan honay wali her khushi aur gham ki baat likhi thi. Kuch mein ghussa tha, kuch main daant, aur dhairon takeedain…magar un sab main hi muhabbat bhari thi. Aakhri safhe per likha tha ‘shayad main jee nah paoun tumhare baghair….’. Us din mujhay dar sa laga tha. Wo jo kehti thi ker dikhati thi. Main nay us se rabta kernay ki bohat kohish kari magar na kaam raha. Main mafi k qabil nahin laikin mujhe shayad thora sa sukoon aa jaye agar mujhay pata chal jaye k wo theek hai ya nahin. Main nay paisa, parties, larkiyan, sab kuch chour diya. Aur doston nay mujhe chour diya. Itna arsa guzar gaya hai laikin aaj bhi library ki katabon per us k haathon ki garmi hai. Aaj bhi in kitabon main us ki aankhon k noor ka ahsaas hota hai jo kabhi in safhon per tehrin hongi. Maire pass aab bhi sab kuch hai laikin us jaisa Sarapa-e-Muhabbat kahan se laoun? Aakhirkar us ne mujhe hara diya. Main nay Hayat se shikast kha hi li. Mein aaj bhi…………”

Maire dil ko us k lafzon nay zoor se bheencha. Mein jo itni dair se us k chehre per tiktiki bandhe, alfazon ko jor jor ker us k liyay hamdardi k do bol ikhatte kernay ki koshish ker raha tha, Hayat k naam per chounka. Mujhay laga tha k shayad us ka dukh jaan ker main us ki kuch madad ker paoun aur mujhay apna dukh kam lagay, magar us k dukh ne to maire dil ka bojh aur berha diya. Mujhay apna wajood bhari lagnay laga. Siraaj bole ja raha tha magar maire samaut to kab ki jawab day gaye thi. Us k lab hilte howe dikh rahay the mujhay magar sunaye kuch nahin de raha tha. Main jis ko dil mein dost keh ker dukh bant’ne betha tha, aab osi k liyay ik nafrat se mehsoos ker raha tha. ‘Yeh hai wo shaks jis ki wajah se main nay apni Hayat ko kho diya’ maire dil se awaz aaye. Hayat ko kho dayne ki wajah aaj jani thi mein ne. Mairi qismat thi ya badnaseebi, main itnay mulkon ko chor ker yahin aaya aur mulaqat howi bhi to us se jis nay yeh badnaseebi mairi qismat mein likhi thi. Main Siraaj ka dardshinaas ban’ne gaya tha laikin main bhi kya kerta? Main nay bhi muhabbat ki thi…. Main kuch kahe baghair he wahan se utha khara howa. Siraaj ki aankhon main sawaal the. Mere wahan se uth janay k mutaliq? Mere chehre se saaf wazih hone wali nafrat k mutaliq? Ya shayad Hayat k mutaliq… Hayat k baad se jo khala main apni roh aur jism k dermiyan mehsoos kerta tha, aab osi khala ko bharte howa mehsoos ker raha tha. Ik taraf Hayat ko kho dayne k dukh ne josh mara aur doosri taraf us k qatil ko apni saza bhugat’te dekh ker ik sukoon sa paya.

Main nay ose nahin bataya k Hayat apni kahe ki kitni sachi thi. Suna tha k jo jaisa kerta hai, ose waisa hi bharna bhi perta hai laikin aaj apni aankhon se anjaam dekh ker jahan roh kanpti hai, wahin us khuda ki rabaniyat per rashk bhi aata hai.

Yehi saza hai us ki. Aaj bhi us ka murda jism library ki kitabon main kuch khojta hai. Aaj bhi wo raton ko girya-o-zaari kerta hai, diwaron se sar takrata hai, hayat ki zindagi ki dua mangta hai. Aaj bhi us ki aziyat us ke jism ki thakawat se zahir hoti hai. Siraaj aaj bhi college k hallways mein shikasta’tan ghoomta hai. Weeran aankhain liyay. Toota howa. Tanha. Kisi dardshinaas ki talaash mein…..

-- رنگِ حیات --

Author’s Note: It might sound like an outclass story but my Inspirations were ‘a Real Story’ , Real Characters, Real Conversations, & a Real Diary…..

Chat with Me :)

ŜїĺêņĊĕ !

Д ∫Ôύήđ đįfדּĘяeИ† fŖÓm ÃĹŀ ŐŢЋeѓ śòūŊĎŞ

I heard it again.

That ѕιℓєи¢є !!!

The ѕιℓєи¢є which was

ĺðטđèŔ ŤĦāŋ ŞĦðũţŚ.

The ѕιℓєи¢є which was

đĚťâ¡ŀeđ ťЋÅŃ שּׂǿŘĐŞ.

The ѕιℓєи¢є which was more

meДמĨŇģfũĿ ‡h@מ ėMõŧŀǿňŞ.

The ѕιℓєи¢є that has Always been

My Ćθmρāחŀóň ÌŇ ĻÓЙĿїŇêŞš....

I never [S A W] it.

I never N-e-E-d-E-D to.

I can always feel it's Presense.

Just like I ¢αи'т feel Your's

even when уσυ r there....