رنگِ حیات

old posts

2008-07-14T13:03:00.000-07:00

Вusy Days
&
Яestless Niğhts.
I дesperately want
"a meďium"

(unhuman)

to ğet śome

΅ Taskęėn-e-RΩ0h ΅

************************************************

u Dön’t play gåmės

with a Ĝirl who

can [ PlaЎ Better! ] u

Un'Suni Awaz

2008-01-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

“Mairi awaz sunayi de rahi hai?”

Taiz qadam, logon ki gehma’gehmi, traffic k shor, aur bazaar ke rush main us ki awaz khoti ja rahi thi.

“Main thak chuka hon cheekh cheekh ker. Dekho aaisa mat kerna! Yeh gunah-e-kabeera hai! Tum suntay kyon nahin mairi baat? Dekho, tum sun ker bhi un'suni ker rahe ho. Samajhte hi nahin ho k maira wajood kisi wajah se hai. Mujhe khuda ne khaas wajah se tumhara hissa banaya hai......Sun rahe ho ya nahin?”

Awaz sunayi de rahi thi. Baat bhi samajh aa rahi thi. Magar bharpoor koshish bhi ho rahi thi. Is se pehle k koi aur sune, is awaz ko under dabana hi munasib nazar aa raha tha.

“Huh....Tum kya suno gai mairi baat? Tum ko to shayad khuda se bhi dar nahin lagta ab. Din'BaDin mujhe ander hi ander kamzoor kerte aaye ho tum. Eik din mar jaoun ga. Mairi awaz suno. Ab bhi waqt hai. Main jo keh raha hon woh maan lo. Yehi mairi ghiza hai. Maira kaam sirf madad kerna hi to hai. Main dost hon, dushman nahin. Mujhe saza mat do. Main in zakhmon ki taab na la sakon ga. Ab aur berdasht nahin ker sakta. Mujhe bhi khuda ko jawab dena hai. Ai..aai....aaisa zulm mat karo.”

Qadmon ki raftaar, dil ki dharkanon ko taiz ker rahi thi. Us ki awaz madham perti ja rahi thi.

“Yeh na'insaafi hai. Kisi bay'gunah se us k jeenay ka haq cheen rahe ho tum. Aaisa mat karo. Khuda ke liye…Khuda k naam per aaisa gunah……mat ke…kerna. Dekho…..Nahin! Main aakhri dafa keh raha hon k na…”

Goliyon ki awaz se bhagdar mach chuki thi. Us doobti awaz ko hamesha k liye daba diya gaya tha.

Zameer ki maut se Nafs ko eik muskurahat, eik nayi khushi, eik nayi hayat mili…

Kya yehi khushi hai, yehi jeet hai, yehi zindagi hai???

Urnay ko Betaab

2007-10-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

Maire pass Par hain, hosla bhi, aur chah bhi...to phir mujhe urne se hamesha roka kyon jata hai? Kya sab ko lagta hai k main aasman aur baadlon k beech kahin kho na jaoun ya phir unhain dar hai k main sab se agay nikal jaoun gi? Main bachpan se hi rebellious hon. Chahay woh dolls k saath khailnay k bajaye gali k larkon k saath khailna ho ya phir girly dresses k bajaye bhaiyon ki nayi shorts. Waqt k saath maira mizaaj pukhtagi pakarta gaya aur society k rules/regulations k saath mairi jang berhti hi gayi. Sonay per suhaga yeh k mairi kahi howi baton ko jab suna jane laga to main apne alfaaz ki zimaydari laite howe khud k liye, aksar akailay hi sahi, magar hara hona seekh liya. Mairi khushkismati kahiye ya alfaazon ki taqat k mujhe her woh cheez mili jis per main ne haath rakha. Shayad kuch larkiyan mairi hayat ko Ideal Life ki category main shumaar karain. Eik respected family, friends, education, paisa, aur pehchaanwer naam aur chehra. Mujhe kisi cheez ki kami nahin magar phir bhi yeh urnay ki betaabi mujhe ander hi ander khaye lai rahi hai. Mustaqbil main jo main chahti hon shayad mujhe na milay. Kyon? Kyon k main eik Pakistani Muslim Larki hon. Yeh khayal bhi zehen main na aane dejiye ga k main islam k khilaf koi kaam kerne ki soch rahi hon! Yon samajhiye k American College mairi manzil ki pehli seerhi thi. Kabhi one/one moqa mila, aap ko trustworhty paya, aur main mood main howi to tafseel se bataoungi. Ap bhi shayad un chund-eik logon ki terhan mujh per hansain aur kahain k "tum bhi nah.....khuwahishaat to naik hain magar tumhain pata hai k hamare han aaisa normally hota nahin hai. Aur ho bhi to koi Tumhain aaisa kerne nahin dayga" Maira sawal hai k aakhir kyon??? Kya eik LARKI hona maira qasoor hai ya Pakistani-Muslim Larki hona jis se sirf shadi, bache, aur dosron ki khidmat hi expect ki jaati hai. Kuch cheezain chah ker bhi nahi payi ja saktin aur kuch bin maagai hi mil jati hain. Ho sakta hai jab main urnay ki chah chor don to mujhe moqa mil jaye magar yeh par mujhe bhoolne hi nahin dayte k main chahon to abhi bhi ur sakti hon magar us k liye mujhe zameen chorni pare gi. Kuch pane k liye kuch khona pare ga......

"Yeh khaandan, society, yeh saare log tumhare liye eik pinjre ki terhan hain. Tum itna oouncha urna chahti ho k sab ki pohanch kya, nazron se bhi duur ho jao" -Someone who could see right through me!

Ah, yeh mairi aur aur aur ki talash.......filhaal I'm faqat, Urne ko Betaab!

Con-Fashions!

2007-09-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

ιи тнє ¢ιту σf ѕαιитѕ & ѕιииєяѕ, єνєяувσ∂у ιѕ gυιℓту σf ѕσмєтнιиg...

When was the last time you confessed and everyone heard?

Join

Con-Fashions!

Its an open invitation, for those who speak URDU & want to have alot of fun, to join an Orkut Community where ppl can cry their hearts out by confessing whatever they want to, good or bad, with their names or anonymously. You are welcome to confess about anything - αиσиумσυѕℓу σя ωιтн υя иαмє - to millions of other souls. It actually feels kind of good to know that someone will read it. The goal is to provide a comfortable and light-hearted environment. Even if you don't want to confess, we have alotta other games that are simply Fun. Plus other services like a Chat Room, Calender, Voting Polls, and a Map.

It's totally Addicting!

NO ONE WILL JUDGE U HERE IN ANY MEANS !

вяєαк υя ѕнєℓℓ & ¢σиfєѕѕ, ι ∂αяє уσυ !!!

Dardshinaas

2006-06-30T12:58:00.000-07:00

First Reader’s Comment: Outclass story (jaisi aksar indian movies main bhi hoti hay). But still very attractive n powerful.

KIA HAAL SUNAWA DIL DA...........KOI MHERAM RAAZ NI MIL DA

**********************************************

Dedication This one is for a complicated friend of mine, who always shows my reflection and reminds me of myself! The more I get to know you, the more I hate myself.

Thankx for everything.

************************************************

Dardshinaas

Un khayali aankhon main khalipan ka basera tha. Main nay pehli dafa ose college k hallway main deekha tha. pur ronak hallways mein bhi wo aaise tan-o-tanha bhatakta tha jaise us k aailawa koi aur wahan mojood hi nah ho. Kabhi us ko kisi se baat kertay nahin deekha tha laikin us ki khamosh aankhon main bay’tahasha shour tha. Agar bay’zuban aakhon ko awaz mil jati to un ki cheekhein satwain aasman tak pohanch jatin. Us ka thikana college ki library thi. Kisi ko maloom nahin tha k wo gard main atti kitabon main kya talash kerta hai? College k larkay mazak main kehtay thay k kitabon ki terhan us ki dil-o-demagh per bhi gard ki tehein jam gaye hain laikin aaise fikron se dunya se us ki bay’niyazi aur berh jati thi. Nah larkiyon ki nazakat dekh ker os ki aankhon main chamak aati thi aur nah hi larkon ki shararton dekh ker honton per muskurahat. Us ki aankhon main deekho to lagta tha k bus ik parda giranay ki dair hai aur us ki hayat ka raaz fash ho sakta hai. Laikin wo ik parda hi to tha jisay wo girnay nahin dayna chahta tha. Shayad ose dukh tha kisi cheez ko kho danay ka. Ya shayad kho danay ka nahin, kisi cheez ko pa ker kho dayna ka dukh. aur dar bhi…k agar yeh gham kisi ko bataya to wo bhi chin jaye ga aur us k pass kuch nahin bache ka. Waisa hi dukh jaise main nay mehsoos kiya tha. Waisa hi dar jis se bhagnay k liyay main nay saat samander paar aa ker yeh university join ki thi. Laikin us k charon taraf phela san’nata mujhay apna dukh bholnay nahin de raha tha.

Os din bhi wo library main akaila betha tha. Dunya ki masnooe chakachond ko choor ker wo baynayaazi se kisi kitaab per nazrain jamaye betha tha. Mujhe chounkanay ki wajah us ki nazrain thin jo kitab ki satron per dournay k bajaye ik hi jagah ruki howi thin. Kitaab perhnay ka bahana tha ya dunya se tarq-e-taluq ki koshish, wo kafi had tak kamyaab ho raha tha. Ird’gird honay wali sargarmiyon ka ose na tu ilm tha aur nah hi perwah. Main samne wali table per bethay us ka muta’lah ker raha tha. ik baar us k haathon main larzish howi aur us nay qalam se kitab main kuch lakeerain kheenchein aur phir se ose safhay ko aaise ghoornay laga jaise apni qismat ko perh raha ho. “Hey dost! Maira naam Hassan hai. Abhi move howa hon yahan Pakistan se” Main us k barabar, apna haath berhaye khara tha. Us nay sar uthaya aur ik mayoos se muskurahat k saath mujhe dekha, jaise mahinon se us se ki kisi nay baat nah ki ho. “Maira naam Siraaj hai” haath milatay howay us nay jawab diya. Main us k samnay wali kursi kheench ker beth gaya. “Kya perh rahay ho?” Us nay apnay samnay rakhi khuli kitaab ko maire agay ker diya. “ ‘My Sins are Unpardonable!’ ” do dafa underline tha. Main nay sawaliya nazron se us ki taraf dekha laikin us ki nazron ko apnay ander utartay howay paya. Jaise wo khood ka tajzeeya ker raha ho k mujhe kuch batana chahiyay ya nahin? Khamoshi taweel ho rahi thi laikin main nay us k lafzon ko honton k qareeb atay mehsoos kiya. Ik dafa labon main jumbish howi aur nazrain mujh per se hut ker library ki serhiyon per ja tehrin.

“ ‘Bisaat-e-Dil bhi ajeeb shey hai’. Bachpan main iklota honay ki wajah se mujhe wo sab kuch mila jo main nay chaha. Zindagi ki daur mein mujhe sab se agar honay ka ghuroor, paise ki chamak, gariyan, dost, larkiyan, shuhrat, mujhay koi kami nahin thi. Main jee raha tha. Sirf apnay liyay. Yeh pori dunya mairi thi. Is baat ka ahsaas kabhi bhi nahin howa k main kisi k liyay pori dunya ho sakta tha. mujhay to yaad bhi nahin k hum kahan, kab, kaise, aur kyon milay the. Per ose her cheez yaad rehti thi. Wo maire liyay aur doston ki terhan hi thi; is se berh ker kuch nahin. Aur main us k liyay dost se kahin ziyada berh ker. Us ki baton se ahsaas hota tha mujhay laikin her baar taal jata tha. Maire kharabiyon ko jante howay koi kaise mujh se bay’zarur muhabbat ker sakta hai? Bus zehen main yehi khayal tha. ik terhan se hum dono ik jaise he the. Maire dil main anaa thi k ik larki se nahin haar sakta aur us ki anaa mujhay haranay per amaada thi. Mein apni zindagi main magan tha aur wo maire zindagi main. Waqt kaise guzra, pata hi nahin chala. Ik din mujhe pata chala k wo yahan se ja rahi hai. Kya halaat the, kya baat thi, mujhay kabhi pata hi nahin chal paya. Aakhri dafa us nay mujhe phone per kaha tha ‘main wapis ja rahi hon Siraaj….aab pata nahin milna ho ya nah ho…apna khayal rakhna aur hamesha khush rehna…I’m gonna Miss U’. Us k janay k doosre din mujhay mail se us ki diary mosool howi jis mein us nay pichle chaar saal main hamaray dermiyaan honay wali her khushi aur gham ki baat likhi thi. Kuch mein ghussa tha, kuch main daant, aur dhairon takeedain…magar un sab main hi muhabbat bhari thi. Aakhri safhe per likha tha ‘shayad main jee nah paoun tumhare baghair….’. Us din mujhay dar sa laga tha. Wo jo kehti thi ker dikhati thi. Main nay us se rabta kernay ki bohat kohish kari magar na kaam raha. Main mafi k qabil nahin laikin mujhe shayad thora sa sukoon aa jaye agar mujhay pata chal jaye k wo theek hai ya nahin. Main nay paisa, parties, larkiyan, sab kuch chour diya. Aur doston nay mujhe chour diya. Itna arsa guzar gaya hai laikin aaj bhi library ki katabon per us k haathon ki garmi hai. Aaj bhi in kitabon main us ki aankhon k noor ka ahsaas hota hai jo kabhi in safhon per tehrin hongi. Maire pass aab bhi sab kuch hai laikin us jaisa Sarapa-e-Muhabbat kahan se laoun? Aakhirkar us ne mujhe hara diya. Main nay Hayat se shikast kha hi li. Mein aaj bhi…………”

Maire dil ko us k lafzon nay zoor se bheencha. Mein jo itni dair se us k chehre per tiktiki bandhe, alfazon ko jor jor ker us k liyay hamdardi k do bol ikhatte kernay ki koshish ker raha tha, Hayat k naam per chounka. Mujhay laga tha k shayad us ka dukh jaan ker main us ki kuch madad ker paoun aur mujhay apna dukh kam lagay, magar us k dukh ne to maire dil ka bojh aur berha diya. Mujhay apna wajood bhari lagnay laga. Siraaj bole ja raha tha magar maire samaut to kab ki jawab day gaye thi. Us k lab hilte howe dikh rahay the mujhay magar sunaye kuch nahin de raha tha. Main jis ko dil mein dost keh ker dukh bant’ne betha tha, aab osi k liyay ik nafrat se mehsoos ker raha tha. ‘Yeh hai wo shaks jis ki wajah se main nay apni Hayat ko kho diya’ maire dil se awaz aaye. Hayat ko kho dayne ki wajah aaj jani thi mein ne. Mairi qismat thi ya badnaseebi, main itnay mulkon ko chor ker yahin aaya aur mulaqat howi bhi to us se jis nay yeh badnaseebi mairi qismat mein likhi thi. Main Siraaj ka dardshinaas ban’ne gaya tha laikin main bhi kya kerta? Main nay bhi muhabbat ki thi…. Main kuch kahe baghair he wahan se utha khara howa. Siraaj ki aankhon main sawaal the. Mere wahan se uth janay k mutaliq? Mere chehre se saaf wazih hone wali nafrat k mutaliq? Ya shayad Hayat k mutaliq… Hayat k baad se jo khala main apni roh aur jism k dermiyan mehsoos kerta tha, aab osi khala ko bharte howa mehsoos ker raha tha. Ik taraf Hayat ko kho dayne k dukh ne josh mara aur doosri taraf us k qatil ko apni saza bhugat’te dekh ker ik sukoon sa paya.

Main nay ose nahin bataya k Hayat apni kahe ki kitni sachi thi. Suna tha k jo jaisa kerta hai, ose waisa hi bharna bhi perta hai laikin aaj apni aankhon se anjaam dekh ker jahan roh kanpti hai, wahin us khuda ki rabaniyat per rashk bhi aata hai.

Yehi saza hai us ki. Aaj bhi us ka murda jism library ki kitabon main kuch khojta hai. Aaj bhi wo raton ko girya-o-zaari kerta hai, diwaron se sar takrata hai, hayat ki zindagi ki dua mangta hai. Aaj bhi us ki aziyat us ke jism ki thakawat se zahir hoti hai. Siraaj aaj bhi college k hallways mein shikasta’tan ghoomta hai. Weeran aankhain liyay. Toota howa. Tanha. Kisi dardshinaas ki talaash mein…..

-- رنگِ حیات --

Author’s Note: It might sound like an outclass story but my Inspirations were ‘a Real Story’ , Real Characters, Real Conversations, & a Real Diary…..

Chat with Me :)

2005-12-29T16:15:00.000-08:00

ŜїĺêņĊĕ !

2005-12-14T09:23:00.000-08:00

Д ∫Ôύήđ đįfדּĘяeИ† fŖÓm ÃĹŀ ŐŢЋeѓ śòūŊĎŞ

I heard it again.

That ѕιℓєи¢є !!!

The ѕιℓєи¢є which was

ĺðטđèŔ ŤĦāŋ ŞĦðũţŚ.

The ѕιℓєи¢є which was

đĚťâ¡ŀeđ ťЋÅŃ שּׂǿŘĐŞ.

The ѕιℓєи¢є which was more

meДמĨŇģfũĿ ‡h@מ ėMõŧŀǿňŞ.

The ѕιℓєи¢є that has Always been

My Ćθmρāחŀóň ÌŇ ĻÓЙĿїŇêŞš....

I never [S A W] it.

I never N-e-E-d-E-D to.

I can always feel it's Presense.

Just like I ¢αи'т feel Your's

even when уσυ r there....

4.....

2005-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

I never thought Life will be like this

without YOU !

aab ahsaas hota hai k yeh Hayat pehlai jaise

kabhi nahin ho sakti.

It's been more than 3 years but still I

can't let it go.

I can't forget those gentle hands,

those нαzєℓ eyez

which never Lied.

that ¢υтє ѕмιℓє which showed ME

that there is still

§ĭמċÊѓ¡ŧy

in this World.

I didn't forget anything.

I didn't love anyone as much as

ι ℓσνє уσυ !

I m not able to do it.....I can't because there is

[ NO ONE ]

like U.

It doesn't mean that I'm not as Strong as

U made Me.

I still don't

CrY OuT LoUd

because I want U to say that I AM

The Most S-T-R-O-N-G-T-E-S-T Daughter

ever....just like everyone was saying "that day"

I want U to be Happy.

I want You to see Me successful in life like YOU !

I want You to be

P ѓ ø Ü Ď ǿf M ê !

I wanna be

נυѕт ℓιкє уσυ !!!

Shahadat Mubarak Ho !

ι мιѕѕ уσυ !

Alot more than My Words

will ever be able to describe.

Í ģøŤ Þύŋk'ď !

2005-11-28T16:48:00.000-08:00

I received my check 2day. My sister has been trying really hard to get it for a long long long time but those ppl were lay-Z-A**es. When she told me that I got my check (Finally)...I was quite happy...and by "quite happy" I meant I was jumping around, kissing my check and waving it in the air (wow...it sounds crazy now but it felt good when I was doing it). So I put my check on my dresser and wander around the house and stuff.....after a couple of hours my brother-in-law entered the room when I was watching tv and started talking to me. Everything was fine until he picked up my check's envelope & said "What's this?". I said "it's my check!". Everything is still fine....Then he opened the envelope, took out the check and said "Hey! This isn't a real check....It's a copy". I jumped off my bed and inspected my check like some CSI person and said "What ? R u kidding Me? What the .....". I ran to the kitchen and told my sister that he's right. It wasn't a real check....it was a copy. My sister said "that is impposible...I checked it when it came". SO I just stood there and thought....hey I checked it 2....and how come someone will send me a copy of a check instead of a real one ??? Everyone started laughing and my neice yelled from the background...

"U Got Punk'd"

I was sooooo embarressed but I laughed 2 coz it was really funny. It was my bro-in-law's idea, the copy of the check was made by my nephew and everyone participated in laughing including Myself. And nO matter how much I don't wanna admit it....I have to.

ĭ ġǿ† ÞÚŅķ'Ď !!!!

aab jo bichray hain...

2005-11-28T16:43:00.000-08:00

Ab Jo Bichre Hain To Ehsas Howa Hai Hum Ko
Dard Kiya Hota Hai ,Tanhai Kise Kehte Hain
Char Su Goonjti Ruswai Kise Kehte Hain
Ab Jo Bichre Hain To Ehsas Howa Hai Hum Ko

Koi Lamha Ho Teri Yad Mein Kho Jate Hian
Ab To Khud Ko Bhi Muyassar Nahin Aa Pate Hain
Rat Ho Din Ho Tere Piyar Mein Hum Behte Hain
Dard Kiya Hota Hai Tanhai Kise Kehte Hain
Ab Jo Bichre Hain To Ehsas Howa Hai Hum Ko

Jo Bhi Ghum Aaye Usay Dil Peh Saha Karte Thay
Aik Wo Waqt Tha Hum Mil Ke Raha Karte Thay
Ab Akele Hi Zamane Ke Sitam Sehte Hain
Dard Kiya Hota Hai Tanahi Kise Kehte Hain
Ab Jo Bichre Hain To Ehsas Howa Hai Hum Ko

Hum Ne Khud Apne Hi Raste Mein Bichaye Kante
Ghar Mein Phoolon Ki Jaga La ke Sajaye Kante
Zakham Is Dil Mein Basaye Hoay Khud Rehte Hain
Dard Kiya Hota Hai Tanhai Kise Kehte Hain
Ab Jo Bichre Hain To Ehsas Howa Hai Hum Ko

Yoon To Duniya Ki Her Ek Cheez Haseen Hoti Hai
Piyar Se Barh Ke Mager Koi Nahin Hoti Hai
Rasta Rok Ke Her Ek Se Yehi Kehte Hain
Dard Kiya Hota Hai Tanhai Kise Kehte Hain
Char Su Goonjti Ruswai kise Kehte Hain
Ab Jo Bichre Hain To Ehsas Howa Hai Hum ko....

So Yesterday...

2005-11-21T17:07:00.000-08:00

Does this thing ever happen with U when u wanna cry but u can't coz U don't know the reason ? and even when u do, U don't wanna admit it ? Does this thing ever happen with U when u wanna sleep but u can't because there is so much going through ur mind ? when u wanna tell someone what u want but there is nobody to listen ? when u wanna scream out loud to the whole world to listen but u can't even hear ur own voice ? when u wanna run away from ur surroundings but u can't even move ur toe? Does this thing ever happen to U ?

Well....Yeah...I m used to of these things. I cry because I can't find a reason and when I do have reasons, I admit them. I do share things with Myself coz there is nobody out there more trustworthy than my ownself. I don't need the whole world to listen bcoz I can hear the silence. And I could run away from these surroundings but I won't bcoz they r nothing without ME.

It Happens With ME !

G'night

My Favorite Ones

2005-11-21T16:56:00.000-08:00

I Refuse to let U make me Miserable

I won't Laugh @ Ur stupid Jokes

or Call When I know u r waiting

I won't crumble beneath Ur gorgeous Smile

I'll stay Strong 4ever

or maybe just a While....

A Little Jealousy in a Relationship is Healthy

It's Always Nice 2 know that some1 is afraid 2 lose U

She will always chase you around

But there is going to be a day

When she's 2 stop running circles around U

She's going to get over you & at that very moment

U r gonna Wish that U had let her Catch U...

U Don't Die from a Broken

You only Wish U did.....

She finally Stopped playing that Song

When she realized that she was Dancing ALONE....

Its so hard to lose the one [U L o v e]

to finally have to say goodbye

U try to be Strong

but the pain keeps holding on

and all that you can do is [C r y]

[D e e p] within ur Heart you know

its time to move on

when the fairy tale you once new is [g o n e]

When I was younger

Crying always seemed to be the answer

now that I'm (older)

crying seems like <the only Option>

Some hearts r broken & mended

others r shattered & torn

although it was never intended, 4 Love is

eternally sworn, I've cried and begged

and pleaded, for that Love to hold its

ground. Hope was all I needed &

[pain] was all I found.....

[Everytime She Laughs]

She Hopes he is watching

not so he sees she's happy

but so that may be

just may be....

He'll fall for her Smile

just as hard

as she fell for his....

тнє иσνℓєт

2005-11-21T12:28:00.000-08:00

Here is a иσνℓєт (a short novel) that I wrote but My friend Coucou editted it and I think he did a gr8 job. Well it's in Urdu and most ppl won't be able to read it but ppl who r able to understand urdu...Do read it. I'll be waiting for ur response.

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Teray Baad Maira Dil Bikharta Chala Gaya...

Guzartay ho'a waqt kay sath ye ahsas hi nahi honay paya kay kab us ki hayat ka inhisaar meri sansoon kay silsilay say ja mila. wo kay jo sarapa muhabbat ban kay meri ankhoon kay samnay jagmanay laga. meri rafaqat main guzra hoa aik aik lamhay us kay liye kisi sa'adat say kam na tha. har waqt usay yehi fikr rehti thi kay kahin mujhay koi takleef to nahi, maire pareshani per khood pareshan hotay howay bhi mujhay himmat dayna, mushkilaat main mairay saath rehna to jaise wo apna farz samajhta tha. par us nay hamesha maire aankhon main apnay liyay doosra darja paya. hamesha maire awaz main apnay liyay ajnabiyat mehsoos ki. akhri dafa jatay howay us nay do dafa maire taraf mur ker deekha. maire aankhain us k chehray per ruki thin, per un main uska aks nahin tha. Jatay waqt us ki halat aaise thi kay jaisay wo mujha say nahi bulkay apni zindagi say door ja raha ho.

Par usay jatay dekh kay meri ankhoon se do aanso rukhsaron per se behtay howay zameen per ja giray. wo maire aanso deekh ker mura aur maire pass aa ker khamosh khara ho gaya. nah hi main nay us se poocha k wo kyon wapis aaya hai aur nah hi us nay bataya. Wo khamoshi ka but banay ho'a bhi apnay wajood say is baat ki gawahi day raha tha kay wo mujh say kya kehna chahta hay aur main us kay liye kya mainay rakhti hoon. jab khamoshi taweel howi to main nay apni khali aankhon se sunsaan rastay ko deekha aur khayalon main ik baar phir se bikhar ker reh gaye. main samjhi k shayad wo wahan khara ho. wohi jo maire aankhon k samnay nah hotay howay bhi apni tasveer un main deekh sakta tha. wohi jo maire muhabbat se hi pareshan ho jata tha to pareshani kaise sunta? shayad wo aab bhi mujhay rouk lay. shayad wo mujh se poochay k main kisi aur k saath kaise ja sakti hon? shayad wo aab mujh se keh day k ose bhi mujh se muhabbat hai. ho sakta hai us nay mujhay roknay ki koshish bhi ki ho aur main jaan nahin paye hon. ose terhan jis terhan aaj tak main yeh nahin jaan paye k wo mujh se muhabbat kerta bhi tha ya nahin?

main kabhi jaan hi nahin paye k us k dil main kya tha maire liyay? abhi main in khayalon se khood ko samaitnay ki koshish ker hi rahi thi k maire haal nay mujhay aakhri dafa khuda hafiz kaha aur wo baghair muray hi chala gaya. us nay mujhay khuda hafiz kehnay ka moqa bhi nahin diya. main to us ka shukriya bhi ada nahin ker paye. her haal main maira saath dayna ka shukriya, yeh jantay howay bhi k is safar main mairi rafaqaat us kay naseeb main nahi hay phir bhi mujh se purkhuloos muhabbat kernay ka shukriya, mujhay yahan akailay choor janay ka shukriya.

agar aaj main apna mazi choor ker chali jati aur os k saath ik naye zindagi shoro kerti jo mujh se muhabbat kerta hai to yeh ik terhan se dhoka hota us k saath aur main dhokay baaz nahin. main kabhi us ki muhabbat ka sila lauta nahin pati aur nah hi kabhi lauta paoun gi. mana k maire apni muhabbat ik terfa aur adhoori thi magar sachi thi. us nay mujhay maire haq se ziyada muhabbat di magar main.....main us ka saath kaise dayti ? main to apna pora wajood kisi aur k naam ker chuki thi....nah main khood ki rahi, nah hi us ki ho saki jo mujhay apnana chahta tha, aur nah hi us ki ho sakon gi jis ki hona chahti thi.....kyon k ose maire zaroorat hi nahin.....

main to samajhi thi ki laut aate hain janay walay
tunay jakar to judaae mairi qismat kar di....